Mass Effect 3 - Extended Cut DLC Review (Warning Spoilers)

I'm going to assume if you're reading this then you are aware of the uproar regarding Mass Effect 3's ending and if not, what's it like on Mars? any Prothean ruins?
Bringing in a new character in the last ten minutes that spoke more shit and ruined more carefully constructed story arcs than Jar-Jar-Bastard-Binks, Bioware, the company behind the game, decided to address their fans displeasure and release the Extended Cut DLC at no extra cost to "clarify" and bring "closure" to the series.

My own reaction to the original ending was sustained confusion for a good number of days before i fully realised the flaws and rage finally settled in. I was so confused by the vague philosophical ramblings of the Starchild/Godchild/Ethereal Wondercunt that i had no idea what any of the choices meant and simply staggered toward my favourite colour with hopeful, desperate eyes. This resulted in Shepard (who i had modelled on myself for extra creepy) wilfully disintegrating himself and causing all the Reapers to suddenly piss off back into space somewhere. 

"Left the oven on sorry" "For fucks sake Dave! we've been planning this for Millennia!"

So do the additional cutscenes and dialogue options fix this horrifically broken series finale?
Well i'd imagine it depends who you ask. We can never know the real intentions of Bioware in this new footage, whether it's still their artistic vision or the conclusion most likely to quell the tide of angry fans. Either way it does soothe the wound and fill in some of the major embarrassing plotholes, first of which being; what happened to your squadmates during the final rush to the Citadel transport beam in London.

There is now a scene showing your squadmates sustaining heavy injuries and Shepard forcing them to retreat. This actually fitted the scene incredibly well, without feeling forced or tacked on. There was emotional intensity in the separation and in my case one of my squadmates was also my love-interest making the farewell particularly poignant.

Admittedly it's slightly unrealistic for this lengthy discussion to take place when there are literally Reapers reaping shit up all around you, but this moment of personal conflict after an entire level of grand scale warfare easily mistakable for Gears Of War London, is very much needed. The next new addition i noticed was seeing Shepard actually blast out of the rear end of the transport beam at the Citadel. I don't recall seeing any criticisms of him just waking up there after entering the beam, after all this is the same kind of teleporter that totalled the Mako in Mass Effect 1, but i suppose it shows more effort than a fade from black.

There's a few extra clips of Shepard examining his surroundings with the invincible, indifferent Keepers still inexplicably mucking around amongst the corpses. Things progress pretty much the same from then up until you reach the Crucible and that presumptuous little prick swaggers onto the scene. Now as a huge fan of this series and an admitted hater of the Starchild character, i instinctively shot the translucent brat as soon as i regained control of Shepard. I then proceeded to shit myself as he actually reacted with demonic acceptance and took my gun to the face as my decision to screw all organic life. This was an amusing and/or terrifying addition to the scene and should address those who played morally Renegade characters or just hated the sparkly canonball. The following hologram message from Liara is also a nice, if more serious feature showing how you can fail and the Reapers apocalyptic cycle continues. 

Once i had reloaded the game (thankfully autosaving before the all important choice) i went with my intended option of the destroy ending and began to suspect the Illusive Man had resurrected somehow when i could no longer control Shepard or shoot my way to the ending. I was frozen, metres away from saving the galaxy, gun aimed but unable to fire, what cruel twist have you implanted Bioware? What didn't you tell us about...oh the game's just crashed.

Once i had reloaded the game again i went with my intended option of the destroy ending which showed the Reapers becoming all dead, limp and floppy-like and an all-consuming red blast engulfing the known universe. Another plothole addressed here was the damage to the Mass Relays; the crucial lightspeed jumpstarts that allow travel across the galaxy. Originally they were completely destroyed but as many pointed out in the criticisms, the Arrival DLC from Mass Effect 2 showed us what happens when a Mass Relay is destroyed and i don't think universal genocide was an ending anyone wanted.

So now the relays are just damaged, the Reapers are dead and the planet Joker and co landed on looking all bewildered and speechless like they suddenly weren't accustomed to exploring alien worlds was just a pitstop, and they soon fly away presumably agreeing never to talk about it again. At this point, the cutscenes felt a lot like fan service. Admittedly i don't know how else they planned to get around these events without remaking the entire ending (i know some Indoctrination theorists would have preferred that) but it still felt rather awkwardly sidestepped, like sweeping a dead body under the rug. Sure you can't see it but you're still going to get a lot of questions about that foul smelling bulge, and how many times can you distract people with your HD telly or electric cocktail mixer?

Oddly, the brief, unclear footage of Shepard's carcass taking an unexpected breath is still present (for the destroy ending only), possibly hinting at future DLC, or a fourth game in the so-called trilogy? Either way it's a possibility emphasised by the new footage of Liara mournfully placing your name on a plaque in all but the destroy ending, where the ending is cut with the name still in her hands.

Anyway the control and synthesis endings were also revamped and in the control scenario we now hear from a synthetic Shepard claiming he has been enlightened and will continue to watch over the galaxy. This is quite weird to see, especially the footage of Reapers repairing the Mass Relays, but it is at least, more in-depth than the ambiguous pile of ashes you were left as before. Upon examining the other endings i noticed a lot is still the same, even in what's been added. The surviving Asari still cheer on Thessia, Wrex still walks to the front of his people on Tuchanka, there is a slight difference in whether, Steve Cortez survives, gets mauled by a husk or doesn't quite get mauled by a husk but overall there is a lot you'll see in all three of the main endings.

The synthesis ending where all organics and synthetics are combined into a new DNA was an interesting alternative to the Anderson or Illusive Man mindsets of the other two options. The extended cut DLC is actually disappointing in this respect in that this great, advanced, evolutionary step turns out to be nothing more than what we had before with green eyes and techno rashes. It also doesn't make sense for the stargazer epilogue where Buzz Aldrin tells some kid a story and explains how "details have been lost".

So this synthetic-organic master race are actually kind of featherheads who must have misplaced their records of the most important galactic biological shift in the universe? Makes sense.

"We must all remember his sacrifice" Or not, y'know, if we're busy...

All of these endings are now far less of a stab in the dark thanks to additional dialogue options with the twatty totalitarian toddler (assuming you didn't shoot him in the face). You can now demand an explanation where he cuts through the bullshit and pours some logic on the "space magic" that cursed the original endings. I'll admit i laughed when i saw "I want details" appear on the screen, but this is what the fans wanted and any media in the science fiction genre really works better with an ending based in logic rather than the supernatural or nonsensical (ahem Matrix Revolutions).

The obnoxious, pre-pubescent, overseer turns out to be a sophisticated AI of sorts and the Crucible itself is basically a big generator for the impending, universal hyperbeam. The writing is pretty solid throughout these explanations and despite another moment where "there isn't time" is juxtaposed by lengthy dialogues and metaphors, the whole scene flows smoothly and efficiently breaks down the high concept ideas surrounding the ending.

Ultimately i'm pleased with the extended cut; even when it descended into slideshows, i couldn't help but smile at the sight of Wrex and Eve's baby Krogan, proving that of all the mistakes made in Mass Effect 3, the series' beloved characters were not one of them...except Kai Leng; that backflipping, cyborg-space-ninja was one of the stupidest and worst thought out characters i've ever seen...

Ok so Mass Effect 3 makes a lot of mistakes, and not just with the ending. The extended cut DLC is an improvement but one that had to be damn near campaigned for, when the game could have and should have featured these things from the start. Many will still be disappointed and for me personally three is still the weakest of the series, but like a relationship that turned sour and ended with your beloved revealing she's a man, it's better to just try and remember the good times, even if they are rendered meaningless by a massive cock of an ending...