E3 2015 - Bethesda

A montage of vox pops and celestial music set to hype us up to somewhat unrealistically grand levels as Bethesda employers grin all up in the cameras and talk about how ruddy great Bethany Asda is to work for. The standard "highly polished trailer and gameplay montage set to energetic pop song" contrasts this before we go back to holy choirs and the Skyrim soundtrack introduces a Mr. Peak Times from marketing.

So far so blah as introductions and welcomes are given, without anything awfully cringeworthy or any dead silences. The first big hitter is the new Doom, imaginatively called Doom, so i guess it's a reboot despite being closer to the original than predecessors. Why can't we use numbers again? Was there a bad harvest? It's not like we're up to anything unwieldy with Doom, this would be Doom 4. That's actually quicker to explain than saying "It's called Doom, the same as the 1993 original but it's not a remake or anything it's just got the same name."

That aside, Jack Coleman's son leads us into a gameplay demo for the new Doom which actually goes really well with no noticeable glitches or player fuck-ups to speak of (probably rehearsed and pre-recorded). The action is fast and brutal in its over-the-top violence, the combat flows very smoothly as you jump onto ledges and switch weapons with a on-screen wheel menu slowing down time but not entirely stopping it.

There's a decent variety of gory melee execution moves with very little break in the flow of the gameplay and the HUD itself is very minimal but with a few pleasing sci-fi touches like "Impact compensation" when you fall from a height a bit further than normal human capability. Although it seems there are distances too great for the suit's technology where you'll just fall flat on your face.

"But video game violence incites real life violent crime!"  Like all those news reports where someone tears the legs off a hell-demon and curbstomps them with their own foot.

As fast paced as the action is there are some brief quiet moments and these actually feel very atmospheric thanks to the lighting and ominous soundtrack. There's a few other creative sci-fi touches like an "Echo device" that portrays holograms in an area providing footage of past events and clues to progress.

Far more interesting than initiating a cutscene of a security camera feed.

All the weapons seem fun and satisfyingly powerful to use. A good variety was shown with old-fashioned and sci-fi shotguns, machine guns, lasers, rocket launchers and a very messy chainsaw. The demons themselves seem well-designed and animated, although much is just a modern update of the 1993 classics. Overall it looks like a classic Doom game for the modern era, which amidst our cover-based shooters and strict military realism should be both a new and nostalgic change of pace.

Next up, there's more award winning titling like Battlecry from...Battlecry Studios. It just strikes me as lazy, i mean imagine if Nintendo came out with a game called "Nintendo Land" or something stupid...The game itself looks like a melee-based Team Fortress which isn't necessarily a bad idea it's just barely your idea.

After how slick Doom and Fallout 4 looked, this looked like a janky as fuck PS2 title.

Illiterate developers Arkhane Studios are next on stage and the two creative directors bring back the kind of dumb jokes falling completely flat that you expect from E3. They quickly move onto a Dishonored 2 trailer which for those unaware Dishonored was a first person steampunk supernatural stealth action assassination game, which with that many adjectives reminds me what potential this series has.

Ahaha it's funny because he's French and we can't understand him...or the punchline.

Not much to glean from a non-gameplay trailer but a new additional protagonist Emily Caldwin with her own unique moveset and storyline is interesting. The duo finish by announcing a definitive edition of the first Dishonored for PS4 and Xbone with graphical enhancements and all the DLC included.

A trailer for a game that's already out promises new content in The Elder Scrolls Online: Tamriel Unlimited, followed by a strategy card game called Elder Scrolls: Legends. I'm sure there will be some fans for this but a purely conceptual trailer does little to sway my indifference to card games and my dislike for "Free"-to-play mobile games.

Some more hokey forced har hars as Peak Times fucks off backstage on an Ipad and "forgets" about the remaining half of the show. He builds the hype for a Fallout 4 demo along with "a man who should need no introduction" and seemingly doesn't for most of the crowd so just me who's out of the loop i guess.

Todd Howard, Bethesda game director and younger, fluffier Matthew Mcconaughey loses points immediately for walking on stage clapping himself but continues to be an honest if a little smug speaker about Bethesda's origins before moving onto concept art for Fallout 4 and revealing that the new installment starts before the world is a nuclear wasteland.

How young is this guy? Well his shirt says "He's two"

As the demo starts, a simple, quirky and amusing character creation screen puts your male or female protagonist in front of the mirror while your wife or husband watches you mould your own face and comments on its features. It's fourth wall breaking but that's forgivable at the start of a game and as an alternative to cold sterile rotating character models in a spaceless void flanked by sliders, it's a welcome and creative idea.

Mcfluffaughey claims it's the character creator they, the developers, use for their NPC's so hopefully it achieves depth and creativity without being unwieldy or complex to master. I also think in terms of story, having your significant other there during the character creation helps build that bond very early on. It's almost like them seeing you naked, character creation has so often been a very private experience seperate from the game world.

In Marriage Simulator 2015, your wife will mock your facial hair in real time, increasing your mid-life crisis meter.

Also effectively combining gameplay and story comes your initial stats alignment and naming of your character in the form of a clipboard wielding rep of vault-tech at your door confirming your details. Apparently your robot butler can respond to around a thousand of the most popular names which is a nice touch. I wonder what the alternative is for the more creatively named or blatantly disinterested who input "fuckhead" "bumcurse" "Candlejack" or "Tiberius" as their character name.

The demo smartly skips some of the story set-up and potential spoilers moving 200 years into the future when you first exit your vault. This demo isn't exactly live or raw however as the gameplay skips forward through sections and dips in and out of trailer angles and music. That said the opening is still impressive, the environments look great, the dialogue interactions are well written and there's a doggie! AWW little doggy! contextual actions with little doggy, co-op battle mechanics with widdle dawggy awww.

Next up in what Mccottonaughey himself admits is a gimmick comes a replica pipboy that comes with the collector's edition of the game. There is even a phone app releasing on the game's launch that you can
load up, insert your phone into the pipboy and presumably take a private ironic chuckle at walking around your neighbourhood like it's a post-apocalyptic wasteland.

Next we see another mobile game and as the entire audience holds their breath it appears to actually be a rather good looking little management game called Fallout Shelter. Todd draws comparisons to Xcom Simcity and FTL, whilst i'm initially reminded of recent but far more bleaker title This War Of Mine. Either way, you, customise and manage your characters in your vault as they level up, adventure into the wastelands, fall in love and have kids.

You build rooms for training, resources and leisure trying to get the right balance with your budget and defend against attackers. It's all done with Fallout's cute, ironic propoganda cartoon art style and just seems like a great, fun little game for fans of the series. Probably the best, most commendable additions or rather subtractions are that there's no "free"-to-play exploitative pay gates and progress blockers. You also don't need an internet connection to play it, overall it's a re-SORRY WHAT? IT'S OUT ALREADY, WHAT THE FUCK? WHY-HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KEEP UP WITH-ahem, and surprisingly we're then told the app launches "tonight" or yesterday as of me writing this, you probably already have it don't you? Yeah exactly, why do i even bother?

Returning to Fallout 4, there is now an expansive yet robust mapmaker turned tower defence section allowing you to customise and build your homebase with an editor that appears as smooth and simple as their character creation. There is also an in-depth crafting system for weapons and armour with thousands of materials that used to just decorate the game-world but now have gameplay purpose plus over 700 modifications...sorry, *rewinds footage* ...Huh...Well bugger me...Seven hundred modifications in this entirely optional section of the game that quite rightly gets huge applause from the audience.

I couldn't decide which sounded more like genitals between the"Compensated Pipe Rifle" and the "Tactical Junk Jet".

The next big applause comes in the form of a November 2015 release date which is surprisingly soon. Finishing their solid showcase comes some free figurines as thanks for those attending the show. I try not to become too blinkard or infatuated with what are ultimately big corporate "buy me" shows but Bethesda does seem to convey a real passion for their craft, a talent and attention to the little details, the features players enjoy and an appreciation and respect for their fans. For their first ever individual set this was an impressive showcase.