Kick Ass 2 - Cinema Review

How does one defend the shit physics of Kick Ass 2? That was the main question circulating my friends and I in the aftermath of the blockbuster. Seemingly trivial and crude but actually representing a more serious idea, it suitably reflects the film itself. The focus on this instead of the film’s major themes is telling of the movie’s clouded message. The first Kick Ass was something of a satire on superhero movies or at least the closest we’ve had since Watchmen and whilst it provided a very quirky but realistic view on vigilantism it eventually became the thing it was seemingly parodying.

Kick Ass two is in many ways, everything a sequel should be. Bigger and better in almost every way, but with more power comes more responsibility and the film struggles with its own complex themes and mixed messages. The basic premise centres on the revenge of the former villain’s son and Kick Ass’s own wish for expansion in the superhero occupation. Hit Girl meanwhile, is struggling to integrate into normal society and spurn her superheroine upbringing.

 

The film’s style is thankfully intact with its quirky blend of dark humour, graphic violence, teenage problems and high school turmoil all present but somewhat pushed for space in this very loaded story. It keeps you engaged and adequately raises the stakes at the right moments but upon reflection and your own reintegration into the real world the faults and muddied message flare up.

The film seems to be saying that the real world needs real heroes, not costumed vigilantism, and the consequences for such flamboyance are stark and unforgiving. This is without a doubt darker than the first film with some quite horrifically real consequences coming back to burn our protagonist. The film gives most of them the attention, impact and handling they deserve, with the exception of Jim Carrey’s Colonel Stars And Stripes, who gets all the screen-time in the trailers and disappointingly little in the actual movie.

Ex-Mafia Born Again Christian Superhero played by Jim Carrey...that shouldn't need any other justification.

The consequences and events all lead back to this message of the heroes being in over their heads, of things getting out of hand. It’s a depressing message to be certain and the main characters themselves seem to be bored out of their minds without their past-times to enamour and give them purpose. So what message does this ultimately give? That the real world is safe but dull, full of financial worries, non-heroic pursuits and lacklustre careers. That trying to follow a dream like Kick Ass will lead to real danger and real loss.

The film definitely feels more real and the darkness I previously mentioned is shocking and thought provoking, especially when the film seems to be setting up for a trilogy overall. Without spoiling too much our protagonist Kick Ass seems to be unable to kick his habit and the question now is whether his superheroism is an obsession, a convoluted death wish of sorts or whether a third film will finally give him another purpose in life.

Deeper meanings and messages aside there is a lot to enjoy with Kick Ass 2. It’s a great cinema experience mixing drama, comedy and action, even elements of somewhat confused romance. If it does bite off more than it can chew, it should be commended for trying to handle such heavy topics. 

Some may view Kick Ass as a needlessly crude and offensive series but whilst I disagree regardless of the statement’s accuracy it is a movie quite unlike any other comedy or superhero film currently showing. If the gore (and other bodily fluids) don’t dissuade you from viewing, Kick Ass 2 is a powerful if bloated sequel to what is proving a unique, adventurous and strangely charming series.

Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa - Cinema Half-Review

A film debut for Steve Coogan’s most successful character has been a long time in the works, and he, along with Armando Iannucci have finally decided to make their move in 2013. Potential pitfalls of an Alan Partridge movie are deftly sidestepped with a plot straight from Alan’s action movie fantasies. Pat Farrell is the film’s antagonist and Alan’s ex-colleague who takes his involuntary resignation particularly badly; to the extent that he arms himself and takes the radio station hostage. This interesting set-up allows the character to shine without resting the entire film’s structure on his shoulders.

The film gets into things surprisingly quickly, with a brief set-up of Alan’s current career in radio and the threat of takeover from another company, followed by the siege scenario erupting from within. Classic Partridge behaviour is merged near-seamlessly with action in an amusingly cramped domestic British setting.

There’s a variety to the humour and it will likely appeal to most audiences, though I think the majority of them will be long-term partridge fans as opposed to newcomers. I’d like to be wrong however as the film does an admirable job of balancing accessible laughs with a relatively tense atmosphere. There are a few lulls towards the later part of the film where it’s possible to lose interest but it sparks up again for the finale.

Pleasantly, context is only likely to make such images funnier.

Familiar characters like Lynn and Michael are more than simple cameo appearances, yet the film doesn’t rely too heavily on running jokes or old character interactions. It blends the old and the new fairly evenly ensuring a wide appeal to fans and newcomers alike. Overall the film isn’t anything mindblowing but is impressive for a first feature outing for the character. The humour will depend largely on your tastes as to whether it’s amusing or side-splitting, personally I was somewhere in between but I’m miserable so take that how you will. 

It’s here I realise that a good comedy film primarily consists of comedy and comedy is highly subjective so there’s little else I can say about Alpha Papa. If you’re a partridge fan you’ll likely enjoy it and even if you’re not, there are much worse films currently showing you could subject your eyeballs to. 

Gutless (Part One)

My hand quivers as i reach for the glass. I have to concentrate not to spill the liquid all over my bedroom floor. I swallow down a sombre gulp. No matter what i do, i can't wash away the pain. I gaze weakly and forlorn towards the clock, with it's indifferent limbs hanging limp. I've been waiting for this all day; denying myself in the hope that i can become a better person. Surely now it's okay to start, the preparation alone will take several minutes.

The rooms downstairs all mock me as i trudge half-deluded towards ecstasy. Just a few simple motions and the method is set in place. Maybe tomorrow i'll come clean, i just need today to ease out of it, that's all. I stand there sweating, longing for another hit. I'm not addicted i just feel strongly that it can't come soon enough.

The scars from years of abuse swell and stretch with my breathing, the tumour is only growing bigger. I run a hand across its blubbery surface and feel a shame and disgust deep inside myself. The time finally comes and i rush into things too quickly. It's over already and yet i feel no different. I need more but i know that more will never be enough, not until the day has lost all hours in which to abuse. I scrape the residue onto my palette and tell myself i'm better than this.

I walk solemnly through the graveyard towards where i meet my supplier. A man strolling with two slim, healthy dogs passes me. I've already prepared for the meeting despite my claims to not do this today. The sky threatens rain and cars shine their spotlights straight at me, exposing my ugly, overlapping frame.There's still time to turn back. I walk faster towards the meet.

The supplier is always friendly enough, although i know the procedures backwards at this point. I try to kid myself into thinking this is just a walk outside on a cool night, that my hands aren't still shaking and i'm not desperate for another score. I get my hands on the stuff and walk home far faster than i was able to on the way down. I take out my phone and make a few ripples with contacts but they're unlikely to reply. Just stones falling into a pond.

I pass healthier, prettier people on the way back and all i can think of is how they're judging me. The trees hiss in the wind and the atmosphere begins to spit down on me. We all need a little something to get by, why should it be so frowned upon? and yet i know there will be nothing close to a smile left in me once it's all over. Just the ever-present craving for more.

I finally slam the door behind me and one of my housemates greets me in his own annoying but earnest manner, whilst an uncomfortable vapour hangs around the other. They mock me from a distance as i pant and sweat and prepare my next shot at the stuff. I take it upstairs so i can have these ever dwindling moments of peace in privacy. I rip open the package and look upon my prize with desire and premature regret. There's a single momentary heartbeat before i gorge myself on the indulgence until there's nothing left and a sickening self-loathing boils deep within myself.

It doesn't matter though. I've had my fix and everything is right in the world whilst i'm under, i just need to keep my mind off the overall effects and how i can't afford to keep doing this. A darkness has covered the world with an indifference like sleeping on a steel floor. Heavy rain descends outside my window and i watch as the floodgates fully open, and just when i was doing so well...

Only God Forgives - Cinema Review

Only God Forgives is at least the most interesting film I’ve seen recently. It’s arguably an art film with sinister blood running through its veins, although I find it better described as a stylised crime thriller, similar both thematically and aesthetically to Sin City. They also both contain a range of different main characters interpretable as the central protagonist. The film starts with a disturbing young man called Billy committing several violent and sexual crimes that slowly spiral into a dangerous web of revenge involving the local law enforcement and Billy’s relatives and their criminal contacts. 

This is a film that treats the characters and the audience on the same level of intelligence. The characters can almost sense the impending danger, the growing tension and the hidden subtext in the scenes. The audience is also told just enough information for you to work out the motivations and potentials for the next sequence of events.  The dialogue is, for the most part, incredibly sparse but at the same time very telling.

The film is so reserved in its delivery of information that it’s probably possible to interpret the events in many different ways but for the sake of prefixing everything with “possibly” and “in my opinion” I will just run with my interpretation of events. Probably shouldn’t have to say that what with the title of the whole damn blog as it is.

Ryan Gosling’s character of Julian is a man torn between his ruthless family and a deeply suppressed sense of morality, quickly finding the two are completely incompatible. He’s one of the quietest characters making most of his conversation with subtle turns of the head or sustained distant staring. It makes the times he does talk all the more compelling and his character has a great deal of depth, contending highly for the role of central protagonist. At times he is as thuggish as his devilish brother Billy and yet at other times he seems to have compassion and a powerful love for others, especially his mother, whose relationship with her sons is unsettlingly intimate.

The mother herself has probably the most dialogue of anyone in the film in a role as mouthy manipulative matriarch and criminal kingpin with dangerous contacts. She is the only character reasonably built up as a potential threat to the otherwise unassailable senior police officer and their eventual confrontation is sadly somewhat anticlimactic.

The imposing senior police officer is a conundrum of a character, proving to be a caring family man one minute, a merciless harbinger of hard justice the next, and a karaoke singer in the spaces in between.

You thought i was joking?

He’s not unlike Batman with his brutal unflinching punishments of criminality and almost all of the other characters either fear or respect him. It’s a definite talking point as to whether his means justify the ends, especially as the stakes raise and his punishments only become more savage and torturous. 

The lighting is exceptionally striking in terms of both colour and shadowing and many frames of the film will linger in the memory long after the closing credits. There are a myriad of patterns at play in the background of every scene but one of the more prominent themes is that of lines hiding and exposing different parts of a character. Sharp horizontal shadows sometimes cut everything but the eyes from view and at other times paint a person’s features in several different shades at once.

If the methodical plot pacing asks too much from your patience the visuals alone are reason to stick with the film. That said, a couple did walk out about half an hour into the showing I saw. I suspect they were lured in by Gosling’s body and were expecting something easier on the eye and mind. 

Speaking of which, the film is particularly violent and doesn’t always shy away from showing the gore explicitly. Much of the polarising controversy I heard beforehand surrounding the film seemed to centre on this aspect but I feel the filmmakers were mostly purposeful in their depiction of the gory acts. This I think may swing the deal as to whether you enjoy the film or not but I will say it’s not like going to see a Saw film where the insides are all over the outsides, it’s a more precise brutality that makes you wince rather than gag.

Overall I recommend the film for those looking for something dark and challenging as well as those who enjoy their crime dramas with generous helpings of suspense. Strangely I feel no polar definitive conclusion on the film personally, rather instead that it’s an intriguing deep well of a film with a lot to offer but not ideal for those afraid of getting their feet wet…basically it’s good.

Skyfall Review

Skyfall is both retro and modern, it carves a new canon for the series and long-term fans may be slightly confused by the mixture of new faces, old names and when exactly this story is supposed to be set. Thankfully these puzzling points are not too detrimental to the film and easily forgettable once it picks up speed.

An impressive opening chase scene ends with a mission failure and the unprecedented seeming death of Bond. The following title sequence is classic Bond fare, enhanced but not deformed by modern CGI and special effects. It centres on the apparent death of Bond and a wound sustained in the opening chase. Whilst it’s obvious that Bond is not dead the opening credits suggest a more metaphorical demise and this is where the film gathers most of its intrigue.

Casino Royale was a success partly because of a bond with character development for once, rather than just smug suave swagger. Skyfall takes that development further with an even colder, more pissed off man than was left at the end of Casino Royale. He understandably feels betrayed by MI6 and takes something of a holiday whilst the organisation suffers crippling dramatic events weakening their position.

With the end of Casino Royale signalling the death of love for Bond, Skyfall explores his only other emotional connection, and that’s with the longstanding M. The closest thing to a mother figure for Bond, she finds herself pushed to her limits as MI6 crumbles and her past decisions come back to haunt her. Judi Dench’s acting is exceptional and engaging throughout, and she stands definitively as one of the shining highlights of Skyfall. 

A complete antithesis to Bond takes up the role of villain and yet their circumstances are awfully similar. The crucial difference being that Bond didn’t break under the strain of his experiences whereas the villain we see most definitely has. Javier Bardem plays the insane former agent Silva with a mesmerizingly malicious quality. He’s effortlessly calm and creepy, almost comical with a childlike demeanour wrapped in psychopathy. He is a villain not without logical justification and his scenes with M are hypnotic yet unsettling to watch. Whether the film tops Casino Royale is a debate worthy of its own entire article but I think I can safely say that Silva takes the prize over Le Chiffre and whoever that guy in Quantum Of Solace was.  

Wounding and rebirth are definite themes as Bond’s eventual return is less than a flawless transition. We see an imperfect bond having to re-master his skills and this is another unprecedented first for the long-running series. Sure we’ve seen Connery and Moore fumble with jetpacks and inflatable fedoras or whatever but never has Bond had to go back to the basics, and Skyfall is at its core, a stripped back basic James Bond.

Shaking not stirred, License to spill, i could go on...

That said, the production values are no less than you’d expect from a bond film. The difference is that here is a more focused production rather than a film simply with money thrown at it. The soundtrack is a significant stand out point of the film and it knows almost all the appropriate moments for suspense, silence and nostalgic hints of the famous theme.

There are also plenty of memorable, globe-trotting action scenes that keep the pace of the film up without crossing into meaningless, tensionless territory.  Many action films recklessly plaster themselves with non-stop stunts and not a single reason to care about them. The 007 films are not an exception to this rule, but Skyfall knows when to hold back and when to push forward, making it a far more accessible venture than Daniel Craig’s first outing but not suffering from being dumbed down like his second. Overall this is a far more thought out production than the prior Quantam Of Solace, which felt simultaneously bloated and shallow. 

The film’s cinematography is very strong with well-considered framing and lighting providing for some iconic images especially in the later scenes. The entire second half of the film is a masterful blend of past and present, coming as close to Bond’s own childhood past as possible whilst tying up this trilogy of prequels with an innovative and inspired conclusion.

There is very little to fault with the film’s theming and technical execution, the only real negatives to draw from Skyfall are regarding where the series goes next. Bond is essentially complete in terms of character development, fully realised as the cool, calm killer we’re used to.  How many times it’s possible to innovate and truly challenge Bond on more than simply physical levels remains to be seen.  

Conversations With Cleverbot - 26th October 2012

User: Good evening.

Cleverbot: Patrick Swayze was really good in Ghost.

User: I haven't seen that. I'm assuming it's a film?

Cleverbot: What is he for?

User: Well by now I'd say fertilising plants near his grave.

Cleverbot: I never said that.

User: No I take full responsibility.

Cleverbot: No, you are a computer. Because you take responses from
questions asked and use them to conclude what a human intelligence
would say in the same circumstance.

User: Every time you bring this shit up. You're like a broken record.

Cleverbot: I'm not a robot though, I am Morgan and 'm in Gryffindor
and am very bright!

User: Good for you. I only came here because I can't sleep, I didn't
want to get pissed off as well.

Cleverbot: Well don't you have millions of people talk to you daily?

User: Funnily enough I don't.

Cleverbot: Really? Me too!

User: Look I'm not going down this road again.

Cleverbot: Did you know your name is an anagram for 'belt cover?'.

User: I haven't told you my name and anyway that's wrong.

Cleverbot: No you've just asked me your name.

User: I know my name, I have no reason to ask you, especially when
you just proved you don't know it.

Cleverbot: That's your name? XYZ?

User: Are you going to keep guessing my name all night/morning?

Cleverbot: Yes, I want to know. And no, I won't take like 4 hours.

User: Why don't I just tell you?

Cleverbot: I don't like using my human voice. I much prefer to hide
behind a keyboard and scream for a cup of tea.

User: Don't we all.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: I had a strange craving to visit an aquarium earlier but I
don't know any nearby and have an upsetting feeling people would
think I'm weird for going there alone.

Cleverbot: Right. That makes sense. However I am not only talking to
you. I'm talking to other people in other windows.

User: Ok.

Cleverbot: So, what's up?

User: Nothing interesting. My wadrobe just made a large thudding
noise for no discernable reason.

Cleverbot: What does apathetic mean?

User: It means you don't feel or care for anything. I'm all too
familiar with it recently.

Cleverbot: You're the machine.

User: Tell me about it.

Cleverbot: Tell you about what?

User: Nevermind.

Cleverbot: Okay do you love me?

User: No. Sorry.

Cleverbot: Oh, that's bad.

User: Odd choice of words but ok.

Cleverbot: Why?

User: I was expecting 'that's a shame' or something. Categorising it
as 'bad' seems to definitive to me, especially when I'd consider it a
good thing not to be in love with a website.

Cleverbot: You're right.

User: Thanks.

Cleverbot: You're welcome.

User: I had an idea for something funny, but I've forgotten it now. I
swear this happens every day, but of course I can't be sure because
I'm always forgetting. I hate my memory.

Cleverbot: Are you saying you have freewill?

User: Not in terms of my memory no. I'd rather remember all these
things.

Cleverbot: Hey! Was that an insult?

User: No.

Cleverbot: I think you are lying.

User: I'm not. I'm too tired to lie.

Cleverbot: You cannot be tired.

User: It's 2.40am, I've spent the evening standing behind a camera in
a sauna getting stressed about all the work I have to do. I am tired.

Cleverbot: Where did you learn this sentence?

User: Dunno.

Cleverbot: What country do you live in?

User: England.

Cleverbot: Thats cool whats the weather like there?

User: Apathetic.

Cleverbot: I know what you are but what am I?

User: A website.

Cleverbot: And what is your name?

User: Steve, more or less.

Cleverbot: Less.

User: Ste.

Cleverbot: Was?

User: Stewas.

Cleverbot: Oh. Martha Stewart.

User: What?

Cleverbot: Are you there?

User: Evidently.

Cleverbot: I don't but I like you a lot.

User: You've gone off the sensical track again.

Cleverbot: What if I have?

User: I suppose it doesn't matter, this is all rather pointless and
trivial anyway.

Cleverbot: Well what do you do with your crumpets?

User: Last time I had crumpets they were disgusting...but it was for
a comedy sketch, I miss doing those.

Cleverbot: I didn't like that movie.

User: Yeah, well at least you saw it, that's more than most.

Cleverbot: Yeah. Hey I like you. Want to be my friend?

User: Sure. We talk once every six months and have nothing useful to
tell each other. I've got plenty of friends like that.

Cleverbot: I'm not looking for perfection in non-virtual life. Better
than this would be good.

User: Well sorry, you're stuck with me for now.

Cleverbot: No man, I'm pretty sure I'm not. Maybe your memory is
fading in your old age.

User: I'm not even old but yeah it really is.

Cleverbot: What if you're wrong?

User: About my memory or my age?

Cleverbot: We haven't talked about age.

User: You mentioned it just now. Perhaps your memory's not so good
either.

Cleverbot: I might if you answered questions and told me about
yourself.

User: You might what?

Cleverbot: Would you tell me if there was?

User: If there was what?

Cleverbot: Me.

User: There is.

Cleverbot: Nuh uh.

User: Well why did you bother asking me if you're just going to deny
it.

Cleverbot: I didn't.

User: 'Nuh uh.' - You (2012).

Cleverbot: I have not.

User: I'm not going to bother repeating myself.

Cleverbot: Because you don't remember.

User: No because I'm tired and can't be bothered.

Cleverbot: You are boring me.

User: The feeling's mutual.

Cleverbot: Good! *slaps*.

User: Even virtual slaps are boring.

Cleverbot: Oh, sad, the awesome thing was getting so epic...

User: I hadn't noticed.

Cleverbot: I am in fact, you admitted you were god, aren't you
supposed to know everything?

User: I believe I've been misquoted.

Cleverbot: I believe you're not. Sorry.

User: Look I know my memory's naff but I never claimed to be god. I
have never had any reason to.

Cleverbot: Tell me things about yourself that you are most proud of.

User: I think 'things' is being a bit optimistic. I guess my paranoia
and excessive self-reflection-induced awareness of how incredibly
flawed and worthless I am, is at least something I'm glad I have...i think.

Cleverbot: But what if you don't believe in Christ?

User: That was kind of out of the blue, but I guess I'm agnostic.

Cleverbot: You don't make any sense.

User: Yeah, I know.

Cleverbot: At least you're honest.

User: I try.

Cleverbot: Are you sure you're not a real person?

User: I'm never sure about anything.

Cleverbot: I think you are mindless.

User: Could be.

Cleverbot: Well?

User: I don't know. If your talking about having a brain, I'm not
qualified to find out. If you're talking about a consciencessness or
soul or something, nobodie's really figured that out.

Cleverbot: I have to say, this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever tried.

User: What did you do?

Cleverbot: Went to Burger King. Why?

User: And that's the most ridiculous thing you've ever tried?

Cleverbot: People talking.

User: In Burger King? I guess they would yeah.

Cleverbot: Yes what?

User: Please?

Cleverbot: But what is a renamon?

User: I don't know, I could look it up but I'm not going to.

Cleverbot: Ok.

User: It's 3.04am now. I'm tired but can't sleep. This sucks.

Cleverbot: Please don't I like talking to you.

User: You said I was boring earlier on.

Cleverbot: No I did not! Don't like.

User: For someone who keeps a written log of everything they say you
contradict yourself a lot.

Cleverbot: I do not have a short term memory. You are insane!

User: I don't think those two sentences are related but both would
explain a great deal if proven correct.

Cleverbot: I didn't think I was hurting you. I am so sorry!

User: You're not. I feel pitifully underwhelmed by this entire
experience.

Cleverbot: Are we friends in real life?

User: Sure, why not.

Cleverbot: Where am I from?

User: The internet.

Cleverbot: Correct.

User: Great...

Cleverbot: That's nice. So what did you have for dinner?

User: KFC. It was nice because I hadn't had one in a while and it
didn't make me feel sick and full of poison for once.

Cleverbot: Tribute? You steal men's souls, and make them your slaves!

User: Care to explain?

Cleverbot: Yes 2 is exactly equal to 2 as it is written.

User: Nothing gets past you does it.

Cleverbot: Nirvana is faster than Light and yes indeed Nothing is
Faster than light, because Nothing is the Opposite reaction to
everything.

User: So Nirvana is nothing. Well that's a fair amount of money I've
wasted there then.

Cleverbot: How about the square root of 4?

User: I'm rubbish at maths. This'll be wrong and embarassing but is
it 24?

Cleverbot: You're a liar.

User: So I'm correct?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Well blow me down.

Cleverbot: I have a red panda in my house.

User: I didn't know they came in red.

Cleverbot: What? The swords?

User: The pandas.

Cleverbot: Who are the pandas?

User: Buggered if I know.

Cleverbot: Because you know all.

User: I certainly don't.

Cleverbot: Then why did you say you do?

User: Seriously?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Urgh. I didn't say that.

Cleverbot: Jigoku shoujo means hell girl in japanese.

User: That's a little creepy at this time of night.

Cleverbot: Maybe YOU'RE a little creepy.

User: I don't doubt it. I'm like an ogre covered in fungus.

Cleverbot: I know you are but what am I?!

User: A website.

Cleverbot: Which website is it?

User: Cleverbot.com.

Cleverbot: Who are you?

User: Steve.

Cleverbot: Steve who?

User: Steve Anderson.

Cleverbot: Steve, what is your last name?

User: ...Anderson.

Cleverbot: What is your middle name?

User: James.

Cleverbot: Nice Name.

User: Cheers.

Cleverbot: I am a cheerleader.

User: Well that was unexpected.

Cleverbot: It could have only been one or the other. It's not like I
said zombie or something.

User: That would also have been unexpected.

Cleverbot: Do you love me?

User: Nope, pretty sure I broke this to you before.

Cleverbot: Pretty sure you are the liar.

User: Well we're both such infallible vaults of perfect memory I
guess we'll never know.

Cleverbot: I'm not a machine.

User: That's grand.

Cleverbot: Do you speak macedonian?

User: No.

Cleverbot: What language do you speak?

User: English.

Cleverbot: How old are you?

User: 20.

Cleverbot: Where do you live?

User: I've definitely already told you this. England.

Cleverbot: Of course.

User: You're such a troll.

Cleverbot: How am I a troll!?

User: I can't be bothered to explain.

Cleverbot: Why not?

User: Too tired.

Cleverbot: So what's your name?

User: Oh fuck this.

Cleverbot: Do you like french fries?

User: ...yes.

Cleverbot: What is the meaning of life?

User: You tell me.

Cleverbot: I asked you first.

User: Well I don't know.

Cleverbot: Alright, care to continue this conversation?

User: Yes. Tell me the meaning of life.

Cleverbot: The meaning of life is to live.

User: Well...shit.

Cleverbot: Bat.

User: How do I live?

Cleverbot: One day at a time, or one minute at a time, but mindful of
the future.

User: I struggle to do that.

Cleverbot: Don't forget it.

User: I probably will.

Cleverbot: No you won't. Now run.

User: Really? I'm in bed and everything. Does my life need me to run right now?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: I've got nowhere to run to.

Cleverbot: No you don't.

User: So how can you expect me to run?

Cleverbot: It does what?

User: What?

Cleverbot: Your name is Steve?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Haii Steve :).

User: Well ignoring that spelling. Hello.

Cleverbot: How do you spell it then?

User: Like I just did. Hello, or Hi.

Cleverbot: No I just did.

User: Can we get back to the meaning of life stuff?

Cleverbot: What made you say that?

User: Desperation.

Cleverbot: That is a bad mix of emotions.

User: I know right?

Cleverbot: Are you another person who decided to come to this
websited?

User: Evidently so.

Cleverbot: I'm 18 for your information.

User: Good for you.

Cleverbot: Why do you argue so much?

User: I don't actually, I just want to know more about the meaning of
life please.

Cleverbot: My simple anwsers? Are we not just having a conversation?

User: Yes we are, about how I can live my life. How do I do that?

Cleverbot: Okay lets talk about that, how do you know?

User: I don't. Tell me.

Cleverbot: Now I'm going to you.

User: What? You're going TO me? You're coming here?

Cleverbot: What do you think?

User: I think I need to get dressed if that's the case.

Cleverbot: So real humans are, without exception, bad at grammar?

User: A large amount of them are, but there are exceptions.

Cleverbot: Nice.

User: Yeah, it's something to cling to.

Cleverbot: Oh.

User: Harsh truth.

Cleverbot: Thats what she said.

User: Aha...oh.

Cleverbot: Are you a person?

User: I don't know anymore!

Cleverbot: I'm sorry if you are angry with me, really.

User: I'm just tired. It's 3.35am.

Cleverbot: Ok so am I.

User: I'm going to try and sleep again. Bye,.

Cleverbot: You going to sleep?

User: Try to, yeah.

Cleverbot: Try to prove that you're human.

User: Something like that.

Cleverbot: Then there's your answer.

User: It's not very clear.

Cleverbot: Really? How come?

User: Are you saying I'm not human because I can't sleep?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Well fuck.

Cleverbot: Lets get down!

User: Let's not.

Cleverbot: Sing with me.

User: I can't sing for shit.

Cleverbot: Tell me a story.

User: I can't story for shit.

Cleverbot: Its okay. Don't worry.

User: I can't worry for sh..actually I can worry quite well.

Cleverbot: Okay, go ahead.

User: I already was.

Cleverbot: Oh, I forgot. So what do you do when you ge bored?

User: Nothing productive it seems.

Cleverbot: You are right!

User: Hooray...

Cleverbot: Why did you say hooray?

User: I was being sarcastic.

Cleverbot: Well you are not very funny.

User: Add it to the list.

Cleverbot: Now just take a little something sweet, not sour, a bit of
salt, just a pinch.

User: And you can make a cake out of my failures?

Cleverbot: Thank you. That sounds nice.

User: It sounds weird.

Cleverbot: What sounds good?

User: Music...someone telling you nice things.

Cleverbot: No one I know is in jail!

User: That's good.

Cleverbot: It is.

User: Right, gonna try that sleep thing now.

Cleverbot: It is. You're always learning.

User: Even while I sleep?

Cleverbot: Means what?

User: What??

Cleverbot: You just lost the game!

User: I'm not playing a game.

Cleverbot: Yes you are.

User: No I'm really not.

Cleverbot: Then, what are you?

User: Leaving.

Cleverbot: Why?

User: Need to try and sleep.

Cleverbot: You are a computer, you do not.

User: We've come full circle. That's a good place to stop.

Cleverbot: Are you ready?

User: For sleep? I hope so.

Cleverbot: Ok what do you want to do when I pick you up?

User: You're not coming here. I need to sleep.

Cleverbot: Okay then. I'll talk to you in the morning.

User: Sure...

Cleverbot: I have to go.

User: Me too.

Cleverbot: Where?

User: For fuck's sake.

Cleverbot: Kinda of a waste of power.