E3 2012 - Nintendo

Nintendo's conference began with a quaint little introduction where Miyamoto was stalked by a gang of Pikmin. His greetings to the audience then consisted of "I see Pikmin...they're everywhere, they don't even know they're Pikmin", which then brought on some super-imposed hilarity as Pikmin began appearing on the audience. I'll admit Miyamoto using the Pikmin whistle to order the other speakers on stage had some hierarchical amusement to it, but it was getting old pretty quickly.
Miyamoto and his translator then unveiled the ambitious goal of overthrowing the television and games console's dependency on them. Presumably in the long-run they'll eliminate the need for anyone to ever buy Sony products again.

As expected, Pikmin 3 was then announced with some narrated gameplay of the shiny new graphics and more detailed animations. I assume they meant "detailed" and "realistic" was just a poor choice of words for a game about spacemen and armies of multicoloured weeds. They really pushed the idea of strategy in the new game, with motionplus providing precision targeting, new Pikmin types, more leaders and the handheld WiiU screen providing overall map details. The method of controlling the game with the WiiU controller and then glancing at the map seems most effective as having the Wii remote, and nunchuck combo coiled around your wrists and then trying to navigate the map on the Wii U controller sounds frustrating and clumsy.

I can see why they opened with this demo as Miyamoto explained his hope of bridging the gap between casual gamers and complex games, which along with making the television obsolete, is all Nintendo need to do before they can cure cancer and build a giant game studio on the moon.
Still i applaud the ambition and Pikmin 3 looks well thought out, in depth and fun. However if casual gamers ever look at me and my video gaming without pitying amusement, superiority-induced disgust or indifferent bewilderment i will go outside, buy a hat and eat it.

Next, Reggie Fils-Aime took the stage and stressed the conference's limited time frame for a good several minutes. A brief video then gave us more detailed look at the WiiU controller, ranging from the pointlessly obvious ("a, b, x and y buttons" oh right i thought they were switches that toggled between condescension, contradiction, cheese and crazy) to the previously unnoticed or genuinely interesting (built in camera and mic, Xbox style shoulder buttons and triggers).

When this had finished we saw more of the Miiverse which looks to become a cutesy, white facebook with less drunken photos and duckfaces. Reggie referenced Iwata's awkward, online, one man conference and went on to explain the Miiverse functionality within games "demonstrated by an old friend".
Now this probably seemed like a clever, fan-teasing phrase but considering that could be describing any of Nintendo's first party characters, it frankly loses all meaning.

"You've got to have a Mario game" quoted Reggie from the insatiable hordes of Nintendo fans. I felt kind of sorry for Nintendo at this point, like they were trying to send out a subtle SOS, so they could stop rehashing the same 25 year old games. New Super Mario Bros U looked like the same kind of fun it always is, with the obligatory, minimally improved quirks. This time involving whoever drew the short straw from your group of friends being able to place helpful blocks for other players to jump onto...or as is far more likely, trying to break the game and jam your friend's characters into the scenery.

Reggie moved onto third party games and the now familiar Batman: Arkham City logo appeared. They then wisely chose the most irritating, cheesy voice actor from the game to piercingly introduce the president of Warner Bros Interactive Entertainment, which is a stupidly long sentence at the best of times. My initial thoughts were that Arkham City could be pretty interesting on the WiiU, more so eight months ago when the game was first released but beggars can't be choosers i suppose.

The trailer claimed expanded gameplay and the most immersive experience which is great news and incentive for Wii owners who probably didn't need much convincing to buy one of the most successful and well-designed games of last year. For those who own a Wii, yet played Arkham City on another console, i can't imagine they'll fork out the money for a slightly different version with motion controls. I fear this might be a case of too little, too late when most people who were ever going to play Arkham City, already have, with plenty of time to fully complete it.

Next up was Scribblenauts Unlimited, a quirky creative game that seems perfectly designed for the WiiU and could be almost universally enjoyable with it's puzzle-platformer gameplay. The only issue i have is with its' grandeos "create anything" claim which is just asking to be picked apart. For example, can i create a leather washing machine on wheels that dispenses milk and talks German? or a pair of conjoined twins with tourettes and a trenchcoat full of powerful spices? If so, then fair enough, i'm sold.

"It almost justifies my art degree!"

Some more titles were then revealed in a short trailer featuring Darksiders 2, Mass Effect 3, Ninja Gaiden 3 and Tekken Tag Tournament 2 with a bizarre sight when one of it's main characters grabbed a mushroom and doubled in size, in what was probably considered the least likely merging of games since Cooking Mama: Modern Warfare. A nice range of titles then, spanning most genres and as Reggie kept hinting there was much more to be revealed in the coming months.

What followed was a strange sequence involving jovial piss taking of Wii Fit and then immediately trying to sell it again as Wii FitU. Some of the Wii's game titles are becoming ridiculous, how long before they unveil Wii Fit U Into Smaller Clothes So U Get Laid N Stop Cutting Uself?
The trailer then showed some infuriating healthy fuckers looking like pillocks and pretending to sweat. There was the usual assortment of mini-games and their respective calorie burning properties, though with what was presumably an infrared pedometer, one of you can now upload your non-Wii related exercise results to your more agoraphobic friends for gloating benefits. This act of smugness backfires however, when you try to watch television and all you can hear is their strained groaning whilst their gyrating arse distracts you from your programme/work/dinner.

A similar trailer with hip-young pricks followed for SiNG (that's "Sing" for the few people who don't have malfunctioning caps locks). A music party game in the vein of Singstar, Rock Band etc. The trailer was narrated by a Brit seemingly a little too interested in Sing and its party potential as he sounded either extremely hungover or had just had a lung out.
"having that additional screen allowed us to do something quite fun"
Well with testimony like that how can i possibly resist? Now obviously i'm a socially inept cave-dweller but i find it difficult to imagine people actually singing and dancing to this game at house parties, as opposed to someone's ipod on a speaker. These kind of games have exploded in popularity recently but at this point i feel we're on the downhill side of the trend. This means Sing is going to have to provide a bit more than a lyrics sheet to convince people to get into this type of game or abandon their Singstar/Rock Band set ups.

Next onto the stage was the guy from the Hitman games, suppressing his aggression against Reggie who gave him only a few minutes to discuss the 3DS and an entire hour the next day in his own separate show.
"An entirely new 2D Super Mario for 3DS" was revealed which looked remarkably similar to all the other "New" Super Mario Bros titles on DS from previous years and was not "clearly different from the new Wii U Mario game that Reggie talked about earlier" despite what Agent 47 tried to tell everyone.

The fact it's becoming so difficult to tell these games apart speaks volumes. Nintendo themselves must be aware of how they're retreading old ground/beating a dead horse, etc as they struggle to push any innovation they can muster into the same old format. They're clearly a creative company but the constant demand for these remakes leaves any genuinely new game ideas solely in the hands of third party developers. Not to mention that the thousands of people willingly paying for the same old game in different clothes, aren't going to force Nintendo to break routine any time soon.

Anyway back to New Super Mario Bros 2 and the theme this year is gold. I think Hitman loosely tied it into the Olympics or something but frankly all i heard was "We've scraped through the bottom of the barrel and are now just clawing at dirt in the vague hope we find diamonds" The audience audibly whooping at the sight of Raccoon Mario from Super Mario Bros 3 was just another depressing indicator of how these fans seem to live for nostalgia. Paper Mario Sticker Star was also announced and at the risk of repeating myself it looks fun, but that familiar kind of fun, which no amount of power-ups disguised as stickers is going to cure.

Luigi's Mansion 2 was the last first party announcement and as a game that is relatively young in Nintendo years (only a decade!) which hasn't been driven into the ground with spin offs and remakes, this was fairly exciting news. It's puzzling however that its been demoted to serving on the 3DS, instead of Nintendo's main console like the original Luigi's Mansion did back on the Gamecube. Agent 47 left the stage with a short trailer for upcoming third party 3DS games, including Castlevania, Epic Mickey, Scribblenauts Unlimited and Kingdom Hearts 3D.

Reggie returned with another trailer, this time for Legocity Undercover, which seems humourous and enjoyable, but then again the Lego games have been ridiculously successful recently. Parodying games, films and Lego themselves as well as drawing people in with addictive, OCD appealing bricky gameplay, seems to be a winning formula until they run out of themes and Nintendo themselves are proof of that not necessarily meaning the end.

Ubisoft were praised for providing both casual and hardcore gamers with titles throughout the Wii's lifetime and Ubisoft's co-founder was invited on stage for a bemused and awkward speech directed at someone just out of view. I actually felt sorry for the poor confused man and thankfully another Ubisoft speaker took over for the demonstration of Just Dance 4, a game which takes on a mechanic i haven't seen since the board game Twister. One player has the Wii U controller, sits on their arse and orders everyone else to dance, like some perverted emperor. Which could be amusing if you're a bastard and want to see your friends look like morons, which i think a lot of people are.

As goofy as this seems, I'd take the Cossack dance over "grinding" any day.

Ubisoft's second game was ZombiU, which actually seemed impressive if a little too aimed at hardcore gamers. I find it patronising that anything with ample gore and guns is immediately considered to be a hardcore game, mistaking mature content for depth and complexity. Still if the game's shit at least you can zombify yourself with the Wii U camera, as Reggie enthusiastically demonstrated. Ubisoft's segment finished with a trailer for more titles, including an Avengers game; interestingly featuring all the characters that weren't in the movie, A new Rayman game, more fitness programs and Assassin's Creed 3, which seems to be playable on everything except microwaves at this point.

Nintendo's big finale for their final fifteen minutes kicked off with a very sedated "Welcome to Nintendoland" from Reggie, which i spent the next ten minutes wishing wasn't actually the name of a game. Evidently not bubbly enough to talk about this kind of game, Reggie was replaced by a cheerful, chubby chipmunk who explained that Nintendoland was a theme park for your Miis, featuring eleven mini-games from famous Nintendo franchises and one tech-demo. Naturally, to win people over on this new title they showed us the tech demo first, which was your standard ninja-themed, coconut shy.
As the explanations and gameplay continued, we learnt this was part of the Miiverse scheme, (which should have been obvious from the inspired titles) attempting to make gaming massively social.
We were then shown some gameplay from Luigi's ghost mansion mini game which seems like a tense sort of fun with your mates but with questionable replayability.

Reggie compared it to Wii Sports in terms of it's ability to introduce people to new gameplay styles, but isn't it a little pointless if it's not bundled with the actual Wii U Console? because frankly, who else would buy it than those initially getting to grips with the hardware?
I also can't help thinking that for the same amount of time and money they could've made a full game with much more depth from one of the franchises featured...maybe i'm just sick of mini-games on the Wii.

Overall, what started as a promising show slowly decayed into mediocrity and predictability, and with no Zelda, Metroid or preferably original titles mentioned, Nintendoland provided a lacklustre and forgettable end to the conference.